Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
