do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
