Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
