Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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