He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
