airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
