Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize