Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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