i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
