Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
