Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
