I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As shirtless as possible
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
