Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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