Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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