Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
