I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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