so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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