He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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