i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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