yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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