just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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