You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
