i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He shit in the fireplace
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
