I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
