I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
