Don't you send me to vm
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
