the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
