Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
