remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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