anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
