mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
