Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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