Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
