If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
