How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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