In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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