My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize