dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
