just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
