This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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