i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
