I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
