I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
