If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
