Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
