He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
