I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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