One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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