it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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