The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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