Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
