Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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