Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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