Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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