He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
