Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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