yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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