He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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