AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
