I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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