Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
