The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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