When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
