I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
