I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
