Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
