Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
