his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
