i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize