2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
