Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
