No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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