I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
