does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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