I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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