Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
