break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I love you. Go after that dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dear god my vagina.
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