I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
