Don't make out with my wife yet
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
