I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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