my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
