see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
