Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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