i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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