i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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