i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize