I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
