i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
