Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
