you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Did I show you my penis last night?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
