12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
