I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
