No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
