Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
