youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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