My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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